about being an adult

Sometimes, i just want my childhood or even my adolescent life back. So i'm not as excited as every other birthday for this middle september.

I don’t know but i think, being an adult is scary. Adult is when the girl begin to take highheels, plus make up and lipstick or the girl who have the breast size, menstruasi and whatever. But that is not enough yet. For being adult we must be able to in charge of whatever we have done, to stand alone, and to realize that your self is the best problem solver.

It’s weekend anyway, but i never enjoy to staying at home . For me  every time is like a long weeked-holiday. Cleaning up my room,reading a book,  just laying on my bed or watch the tv program, larning English, it’s so bored!

Oke. Sorry i’m regret.

I’m regret for my atitude one year ago. It makes me sooo downfall. So i must canceled my the only dream to study-college. I mean, i can't believe my self that i unable to take the university. I feel bad about it. I always ask to my self “what's wrong???”. Hmm i can't describe it, i just regret it all day.

Someone said that...

“kalo ga ada mimpi buruk, kita ga akan pernah bisa benar-benar mensyukuri betapa indahnya hidup”.

I know, being an adult mean.. we can receive it very well. Be patient! Oke, that’s true.

I'm human, so it's okay to do wrong. For the sake of God, i realize that ALLAH YME have a good reason.. why the somethings that i keen will be obliged to be delay.

Sometimes i’m confused why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly around the world. And i asked my self the same question.

Life is like a game. You take your chances and go for the win. But there is always a loser in games. The loser is the one that just is not as lucky, the one that doesn’t have the skill, the one that just isn’t good enough. In this game the loser is me.

In the game of life the loser is the one who travels alone, the one who feels nothing, the one who yearns to be loved. The loser is the one who falls into an endless trap of dreams being broken over and over again.

But I am sure tired of being the loser.
I am just going to end it now.

My middle September
Anyway, this is my middle september. Tomorrow  i’ll be 19. About the other things on this birthday, i always dream to have a small dinner as a celebration of my 19th year. That would be me, my dad, mom, sister, brother and the so called boyfriend.

Birthday wish? I wish i'm not only growing old, but also growing up. Now i know that i don't want to fall in the same whole in the future. So remember this! I’ll never fall again because i have felt how the pain’s fall is.

Now, i'm going to back to my course tasks and preparation for my public university exams. Prepare your self, so even if you fail, there will be no regrets.

This's The True Love

Dibawah Lindungan Ka’bah.

Ini dia, salah satu film indonesia yang buat saya suka. Sebenernya hampir satu minggu yang lalu saya nonton film ini. Pesannya selalu terngiang ditelinga saya. Film religius yang bertemakan cinta. Awalnya emang agak bosan, tapi akhirnya bisa bikin wajah dan tangan saya basah karena air mata-harusnya jangan lupa bawa tissue.

Jujur saya tidak pernah paham cinta karena Allah swt itu seperti apa. Tapi acting Junot dan Bella sukses buat saya percaya kalau ada konsep cinta yang melibatkan Allah sebegitu dalam. Cerita yang diadaptasi dari novel K.H Buya Hamka ini juga bisa buat saya percaya bahwa mungkin-didunia yang fana ini juga ada sosok Hamid yang hampir mendekati sempurna. Walaupun ada adegan-adegan yang garing, iklan yang terlalu dipaksakan, atau setting tempat yang hampir sama dalam love story tapi saya sangat suka keseluruhannya terutama ending yang sedikit berbeda dari film pada umumnya.

Sebetulnya yang buat saya banjir air mata bukan karena jalan ceritanya, tapi lebih karena pesan yang terkandung didalamnya yang benar-benar sampai ke hati.

"Ketika kamu nggak punya siapa-siapa selain Allah, ingat kalau sebenarnya Allah itu lebih dari cukup."

Kenapa ya, kita sering kali lupa sama hal-hal yang begitu besar? Saya kerap kali sedih saat seseorang lupa akan-sesuatu yang cukup berarti untuk saya.

Kita takut saat pulang malam sendirian. Kita takut saat-saat mengikuti ujian, yang kita tau jelas bahwa takkan ada satu orangpun mampu bantu diri kita. Kita takut akan banyak hal.

Kita takut akan kesunyian, kegelapan, kesendirian tapi kita lupa satu hal bahwa sebenarnya kita tidak pernah sendirian.

Allah akan selalu menemani walaupun kita merasa luar biasa sendiri.

Air mata saya tidak sanggup ditahan dengan percakapan yang diurai ibunya Hamid menggunakan kalimat ini.

Kalau kata Hamid “saya cuma butuh keyakinan sama cinta untuk tetap berjalan di tengah badai.” saya agak bingung sebetulnya. Kalau Hamid itu ada dan saya kenal dia, sebelum film ini berakhir saya akan bertanya “kamu lebih cinta mana, Allah atau Zainab?”

Kita harus tau sebenarnya sebesar-besarnya cinta dua umat manusia, akan jauh lebih indah ketika mereka lebih mencitai Allah dibanding satu sama lain.

Oya ada kalimat seperti ini "Dunia ini terlalu sempit untuk cinta kita..."

Woow! Saya bahkan nggak pernah kepikiran hal itu. mungkin ngga sih.. ada cinta yang begitu besar, sampai dunia aja nggak muat untuk menampungnya?

Ya, mungkin ada dan ternyata cinta itu cuma cinta untuk Allah.

Mungkin kapan-kapan saya akan nonton lagi film ini. Terimakasih pada Allah dan seseorang- yang telah memberi saya kesempatan untuk belajar dari film ini.

Salah ga yaa? Jika saya berharap akan sosok Hamid dalam diri seseorang yang akan saya cintai kelak. Agar ia dapat mengajari saya seperti apa cinta karena Allah itu sesungguhnya.

Iedul Fitr

Happy ied mubarak people!

I just think that i’m very happy. two days ago was the wonderful day of the year. Not only for my self, but also for the others people, moslem of course. But i think every people can feel the atmosphere of Lebaran.  Actually, it was 1 syawal 1432 hijriyah.

Before that, some people prepared to go to their hometown, that also my course friend. The class were of on Saturday. Oya.. some of them were just got from shopping.

At the one day before Lebaran, i went to my granfather’s home. I saw many people there, my aunt and my uncle had backed from Bangka Island. They were busy talking about the day, foods, clothes, and everything.

That’s so amazing! we were making a lot of cakes there.

I heard the takbir that sounded everywhere before the day. And “petasan” always be success to make me surprise.

The truth, i felt so sad. I’ll miss Ramadhan. Ramadhan is very special for molems, for every single day is the day of fasting. And as we know fasting has many benefits and we learned to self-restrain.

I think, i didn’t do ramadhan and fasting very well, that’s make me feel sad and regret to leave the fastmoon. I wish i can do better in the next Ramadhan. And i wish i can meet the next of Ramadhan.

After Ramadhan has endes, Eidul Fitr takes place on 1syawal in the morning at some time after sunrice and before midday a congregational prayer is offered.

I love the time when we must wake up early and go to do ied’ pray.

Iedul Fitr means back to fitri or that’s like white, clean or pure, yah!

Because all people around the world will be do the tradision to apology and say sorry to each other.

I saw people smiling at a long day. And it was so easy to touch my heart.

I can’t hold out my tears when i huged and say sorry to my Mom&Dad. I felt glad when i apology to my brothers because i used to fighting with one of him. Haha that’s silly i think.

I love you bro! I love you all more than you ever know.. That’s great lebaran : D

Anyway, i’m sorry for you all guys.. if you read this note of course.

I’m sure that i have any mistakes to you all.

For what is worth, i'm sorry for many things that i have done what have been making u dissapointed, i have said, or anything that make you feel uncomfortable. I really, i am sorry from the deep within.

Happy Lebaran! And God bless you..